Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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