he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
