Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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