as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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