those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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