he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
