Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
