FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You made out with two different species that night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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