One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
