Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
