For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
