I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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