can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
