and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
