you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
