grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
