My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
