I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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