He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
