Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
