I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
