i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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