remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
