i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
