Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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