And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
