The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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