I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are my feet made of real feet?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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