i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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