**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
