My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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