Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
