And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
