Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
