So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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