how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
