Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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