He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize