He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
