ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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