Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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