Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
