Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize