My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
