I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
