At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
