Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
