Will you blow on my dice?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we made out on top of his cat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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