if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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