I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
