Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
