My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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