You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to calm my uterus...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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