I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
