I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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