And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
