Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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