hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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