Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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