it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
