I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
