I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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