Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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