I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
