Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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