I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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