he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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