It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
