Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
