Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
