I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
