It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
