It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
