Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
