dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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