I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am available for nakedness
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
