I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
