he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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