its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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