I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize