At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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