Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
