Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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