false alarm. still invincible.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
